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Sunday, April 27, 2008
Wrote on 9:16 PM:D
today super sad........

i tried my best .........
but i still cant catch up with others.......
then in the end........
xt ban me to the baby pool......
and say tat i will stay at baby pool until she thinks that i am able to canoe well and fit enough to go with others......
cos i am the super slow type.....
i understand with what she feel......
if i were her..
i woudl feel irritated........
cos so slow....
and still dragging others...

i am too slow for the others and will pull the whole team down.........
i know that i super slow....
hahaha...........
no hope for july race and maybe also no hope for future de le...
cos now at critical list..
like those kind where ppl dun wan u and wan you out that kind........
haiz.......
suan le........
although i will still work hard and continue trying my best for subsequent training........
btu too bad.....
the way i move my canoe.....
its too slow....
ppl sprinting and my sprinting liek they moving leisurely........'
haiz.........

just like old days..........
i learn slow..........
then ppl dun wan me le....
its the same in np......
its the same here.........

if i dun improve.....
i might be kicked out from this cca for gd.......
haiz.......
although i really like the cca.....
btu is eems to be the one dragging ppl down...
and ppl may not wan me to be part of this team also....
haiz........
cos i too slow........
too bad la............
i slow learner........
cant help it..........
i had already put in my 101 percent of my best.....
btu if i still cant make it.......
den honestly,i dun know wat to do le...........

from my past experiences till now, i realise sth........
commitment is nto the thing that ppl need (althoguh ppl say commitment is needed most).........
its talent........
without talent........
so much of commitment would also be consider as shit........
ai ya.........
i very kan de kai de........
if cannot then try other things lor........
my whole life i've met so much de obstacles le......
this kind of small one wont put me down de..........

although will still feel a bit of sadness........

and also think i gg to tell qq stop cursing me....
he always curse me then always coem true........
damit.......
gd tthigns dun come, bad thigns come.....
then his curse liek very long term one.......
goignt o make a pact with him....
if he continue cursing me.....
then i dun wan talk to him le.......
hahahah...

now i am like gg canoeing but not training with others....
i like those kind where is isolated de.........

however, i understand how the seniors feel........
if i were them...
i also dun wan a slow one int eh team.......
that person will drag the whole team down........

see the next few trainings how ba........
if i really cant make it to their standard and i am ask to leave.......
i will be willing to leave......
i wotn blame or gain hatred on them.....
hahhaa..........
cos no poitn staying and be a parasite of the team...
wasting everyoen's time and effort........
i guess maybe i just dun have any talent at all....
i am bad at cooking, bad at drills, bad at studying, bad at sports.......
i ams almost bad at everything......
really dun know what i will do in the future........
haiz......
this week really no luck sia......
veyr sian diao...........
-.-
guess that's it ba..........
just my life in pj...........
dun need feel sympathy for me..
cos these are all i deserved, i guess.......
THIS IS MY LIFE!